Blame It On Me, Say It’s My Fault September 30, 2009

A lot of times people believe they are in a particular state in life because of someone elses doing. Well I will speak for my self. There were and still are a lot of things that I have and am dealing with. Pick a topic. Just joking.  Lets talk about weight. I can say that I am over weight because of the injections that they put in chicken. I can say that I am over weight because I only have time to eat at night because I am busy during the day. I can say that I am over weight because my husband does not pressure me to be “thin”. When my father died 11 years ago on May 28, 1998, two days before my birthday I was devastated. My world literally ended at that moment. My grandmother use to always say that I would follow my father to Hell if I could. He was my dad, my hero, my everything. When he did I instantly became depressed. I was a size 9/10 and some clothes were 11/12. I say that is about average and I am 5’10.  I was in the gym and I was working out, I was in college, and I worked at a retail job, not because I had to but because I chose to. Within a year that my dad died I gained 100 lbs! I was scheduled to get married in November 1999. When friends and family saw me they didn’t say oh you got fat, but they would sugar coat it and say baby you gained weight because your father died and we understand. It took me 8 years before I started to go to therapy to deal with the real issue. To be honest I do not remember binging and over eating. I do not remember any of that. But again it was not until I dealt with why I was eating the way I was that I realized that I was over weight and need to work out. I had to look at the situation for what it was. I was eating bread, bagels, cream cheese, potato chips, pasta, alfredo, extra mayonnaise  to help me deal with my dad not being there. Once I went through my therapy I realized that weather my dad was with me or not that I could continue to live life and be successful. My dad did most of my encouraging and now that he wasn’t here, how was I going to make it. Like I said after dealing with years of therapy and changing my mind set and stop living in denial I realize that I could not blame anyone else but myself for my weight gain. So with the help of others, but most importantly myself I have lost a total of 30 lbs. ) I am proud of myself! I have 60 to 70 more pounds to go, and I will get there. Sometimes I do not want to be accountable for my actions but I have to be because it is a necessity for me to complete my journey. To those of you that blame others or things for stopping you, do what I did and still do… Pick up a mirror, check yourself, encourage yourself and love yourself and say that you can make it.